Its been almost eight weeks since I have seen Cedric. Since that last day he played me songs he wrote about me in his little apartment behind safeway, and we drove to nanaimo and had coffee in a greek restaurant in the harbor, and a cold mist came in from the ocean. I talk to him every day, sometimes three times a day but its never enough. I am forgetting what he looks like, I am forgetting the brown of his skin, his scars, the husk of his french accent, the smell of his sweat which is strangely like lake water and honey...

What is love? Is this love? I want him back. Days blur together, I forget what month it is without him. I lose hope. I thought that over the years that typical relationship-syndrome would kick in. I thought that I would start to resent him. I thought that my heart would one day float back into my chest and I would be able to feel whole again. It never happened.


Off to aldo-hell soon. Dreading it. Quitting, actually- as soon as I tell them that I left their employee orientation guide at a bus stop. Debating on taking advantage of my discount and buying a pair of white leather boots. Thats pretty sneaky though. I can work two days a week doing accounting for Gossip Salon and another three doing marketing for DragonFly Hill Vineyard. And of course I will get that job at Royal Bank. Everything will be fine. Of course it will. Of course.